You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?
As
well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the
fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine
you’ll feel too.
Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!
First
– let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt.
And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it!
Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree
it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the
other.
The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a
relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they
probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but
it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner
you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the
relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things
start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having
been honest.
Secondly, act as quickly as
you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s
“convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a
conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s
ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges!
They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer
than a clean break.
And what about you? Being the one to break
the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it –
and you have to live with yourself.
Here’s how to think of it.
First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving
on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken
tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your
unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of
your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone
when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head
around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!
Secondly,
just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean
you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a
complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website –
details later)
Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I
have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember
where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!
Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.
You
are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to
stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner
too. He or she has the same entitlement.
If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!
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