- Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.

- I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.

- I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please.

- I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".

- I'd be painting the town instead of the house.

- When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.

- I could show my girlfriend where I live.

- I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.

- The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.

- I would have saved 372,416.21 dollars in groceries by now.

- I wouldn't catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear!

- I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.

- I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.

- You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week!

- Going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

- Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws.

- I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films.

- I could home drunk to sleep, instead of under a bridge.

- I could use my own name at hotels.

- I wouldn't have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.

- When asked his opinion, a single guy can say "Hell yes, you're fat!"