1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If
it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling
anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when
someone asks where you are.
4. Wait until my yearly review and then
tell me what my goals should have been. Give me a mediocre performance
rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money
anyway.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I like being a psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me
with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people
you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food
chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd
deductions will identify them.
11. Tell me all your little
problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less
fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much
taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager. |
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