You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive.

You spend ten minutes fake arguing with your guests who insist on washing their coffee cups.

You think it’s perfectly normal to call someone who’s 30 years younger than you “anna” just because he’s behind a counter.

Your idea of a romantic night out is to eat mutton rolls watching a Tamil movie in a run down theater.

You accidentally walk into an oor picnic and walk out with ten large trophies.

You wear a suit to a wedding…and you are only 3 years old.

The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five.

Your mom and sister together own more jewelery than a Chinese jewelery store

Your parents’ idea of a vacation is to go down to the temple in Pittsburgh.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.

The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them.

Your parents think going to McDonald’s is a night out…nice break from takeouts from Babu Catering.

You rent a cassette from the grocery store, it’s been dubbed 6 times…and you return it 3 months later.

You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one baratha natyam and six hip hop shows.

You think wearing a bullet proof vest is part of the normal attire for a dinner & dance.

You eat more mutton before 9 am than most people do in a month.

You are somehow related to every new friend you meet

Your remote control is still in its plastic packet

You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask ‘What happened to the other 5%?!’

You stare at tamil people when the walk by

You see married couples kissing on TV but have never your mom and dad get within 3 feet of each another.

Your parents never address each other by name.

When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half.

Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn’t talk to her for 10 years.

Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland, Germany is German and England is London.

You transited through Germany but claim you were born in Sri Lanka.

You go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin colour has changed.

You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it.

You have a token white/Chinese person as guests, and they all sit at the same table.

When the supply teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said “here.”

You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.

You have dinner at 10 pm.

When your parents say ‘BBC’ they don’t mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or aunty Kamala.

It’s normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day.

Your parents drive half way across the city to ‘Basic Foods’ just to save a quarter off toilet paper.

You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father’s side is pregnant even before she does.

Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin….and you like it!!

You can be tried at the war crimes tribunal if you go to a foreign country and don’t visit ALL your relatives there.

You were the only kid that took a three course meal of pittu, fried egg, and banana to school.

You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar.

You only stop putting more rice on your guest’s dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop.

anytime you speak back to your parents, you get:

“ I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me”- Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum kathaipa ithukku melayum kathaipa”

Any girl in her tweens is subjected to – “eppa kundu poda poringal” – in terms of menstruation – nice symbolic metaphor..naan enna Osama Bin Laden-ah illati hiroshima-va?..Bloody fools

If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark- however if its a son. “ok rasa poitu vaa..kavanam enna” .....- adi serrupaala

any word starting with an S , is actually pronounced beginning with “Is”. ie: School= Is-kool

You know that you’re Tamil when some one is sick at your home, your relatives will bring HORLICKS.

You know that you’re Tamil when halfway through your shower you realize that your Head and Shoulders Shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Shiyakkai Shampoo.

You know that you’re Tamil when you walk in to another Tamil family’s house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours!

You know that you’re Tamil when your Mom is scared of every size of DOG!

You know you’re Tamil when you bring mutton rolls, casseri and vadai to your school’s bake sale.