6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep #

Having sex in a single bed is absurd. #

You keep more food than beer in the fridge. #

Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all. #

You don’t volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital. #

You know all of the people sleeping in your house. #

You hear your favourite song in the lift at work. #

Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy. #

The bank manager doesn’t write threatening letters any more. #

You carry an umbrella. #

Seven-day benders are no longer realistic. #

You don’t go to Tesco’s with all your friends. #

You have standing orders and direct debits. #

The heating works in your house. #

Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up. #

You pay the government thousands of pounds every year. #

You go from 130 days of holidays to 20. #

Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’. #

You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. #

You get out of bed in the morning even if it’s raining. #

Washing up is not an annual ritual. #

Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. #

You don’t know what time the kebab shop closes anymore. #

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. #

You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds. #

You don’t get ideas for drinks from local tramps. #

You don’t put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.. #

You don’t spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls. #

You “hate scrounging students”. #

You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk. #

Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no. #

You can’t persuade your flatmates to ‘Drink till dawn’. #

You don’t spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub. #

You always know where you are when you wake up. #

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. #

A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh. #

You go to the chemist for Panadol andantacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits. #

A 3 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’. #

You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to. #

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. #

You don’t have mice living in your kitchen. #

Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager. #

You don’t go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka. #

You have hoovered. #

Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone. #

‘I just can’t drink the way I used to’ replaces ‘I’m never going to drink that much again’. #

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real
work. #

You don’t experiment with banned substances. #

You don’t get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub. #

You don’t find a “dump” left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.