What it says: “You have demonstrated financial responsibility…”
What it means: You’re breathing!

What it says: “Our membership is difficult to obtain…”
What it means: Death row prisoners are not eligible… in most states!

What it says: “We have shortened the application process…”
What it means: “We need lots of new members fast or we’ll go out of business!”

What it says: “You have no predetermined credit limit…”
What it means: “We’re not worried, we employ the Break Your Legs collection agency.”

What it says: “Exceptional Customer Service…”
What it means: Except when you need it!

What it says: “Trained customer representatives await your call…”
What it means: “This is the part you talk into, and this is where you listen. Any questions?”

What it says: “To apply for membership, fill out this short form…”
What it means: You’ll get the long form later.

What it says: “You may direct us not to share this information with anyone else…”
What it means: “Catch us, if you can!”

What it says: “We look forward to receiving your completed application…”
What it means: “We baited the hook, let’s see if anyone bites!”

What it says: “You’ve been pre-approved…”
What it means: “You’ve been pre-approved to be Rejected!” or “We’ve already prepared your letter of denial.”