Dating is picking up popularity in India, as a means to find a partner. But the quest to find Ďthe oneí entails meeting all kinds of other specimens along the way. Based on some of my (mis)adventures, hereís a list of things that I wish guys WOULD NOT do on dates.
1. Staring at my bust
There is just no excuse for this. Without entirely condoning it, Iím willing to see that a random guy on a bus or across the street may do this. He has the right to look where he wants. And I have the right to mentally strike him off my list of people I would ever go out with. But when Iím on a date with you, I donít have that option anymore. Not at least till the end of the date, Iím at least that nice. Be nice to me and donít treat me like a sex object the very minute we start the date.
2. Ogling other women
This follows from the first since some men use the excuse that ĎI canít look at you so Iíll look at othersí.
Weíre out on a date. That means you and I are getting together to spend some time with each other. Focus on he last three words. One date does not tie you to me but it does warrant the courtesy of your undivided attention at least.
Showing off probably comes naturally to the male species especially when in the presence of the opposite sex.
Animals do it, insects do it and human men do it too. Only donít go on and on about it. The showing off is a mating ritual among the aforementioned life forms and ceases once the connection has been made. Assume that the connection has been made the minute the date has been accepted.
Thereís really no reason to go on and on about the number of foreign trips you go on, how earth-shatteringly important you are to your company, how you were having tea last week with the Dalai Lama and how many thousand books you read in the past year. Itís off putting and most importantly itís boring. I tuned out the minute you started throwing numbers at me.
4. Not listening at all
Itís a conversation. That means both people talk and listen. Talk some, Iíll listen. Then Iíll talk and you need to do more than stare around the room, ask the waiter for refills and interrupt to tell me about the movie I saw. Believe me, I could interest you with more than my bust. I have a sense of humour, an opinion and intelligence too. Give me a chance to let you see that too.
5. Calling me things like ĎBabeí, ĎSweetheartí or ĎHoneybuní
Itís a first date. I could be your girlfriend but Iím not, yet. We could be friends but we havenít gotten to the place, right now. Undue familiarity and worse, sexist phrases are instant turn-offs. I have a name, use it. I might permit you to give me a nickname, but at least be original.
6. Playing SuperShrink
Youíve probably heard that women dabble in pop psychology. Maybe I have issues. Everyone does, itís normal.
Donít put me under a microscope and psycho-analyze me on a date. Itís immensely offensive to tell me I am afraid of getting too close to men because of my Electra complex. If youíre a doctor, thatís work during a leisure activity. BORING. If youíre not a doctor, it tells me youíre just being a creep.
Itís not cool to be commitment-phobic. I am not concerned with how messy your love life has been so far or how busy you are at work. You can go for a movie alone or have lunch on your own if those are true. If this date is happening, itís because you agreed to it. Donít waste my time and yours by coming to a date and then telling me why it canít go further. If itís not coming along as well as you thought, just tell me so. I may be disappointed but thatís better than being disgusted. If youíre that terrified of telling me the truth, at least wait till the dateís over. Donít scuttle it while itís in progress.
8. Bringing other people along
Are you serious? Friends? Mothers? Siblings? Colleagues? If itís a date, itís between two people. Any more and itís a party, a group or worse Ė an orgy. Iíve nothing against meeting big groups of people. But not on a date. You ask people out because you want to spend time with them alone. You accept a date for the same reason. For group dos, you get invited and drop in or not. Itís different. Please get that, it messes things
up if you donít.
9. Self-help style follow throughs
This is important. If the date went well, itís okay to keep in touch. Strike that, itís good form, itís good for you and for me to keep in touch. Please forget what you heard about waiting 2 days before calling (or whatever it was you learnt in school and college). Those games are for adolescents. Send a text message saying it was fun and youíd like to catch up again. Add me on Facebook. Email or drop me a note. Open a chat window and say hi. There are loads of embarrassment-free ways to say that you liked what you saw and would like to know more.
10. Being a jerk
This is super-critical so listen up: Do everything or anything in point.9 only, repeat ONLY if you are interested in going out again. Thereís no easy way to say that it didnít quite Ďhappení so just donít say anything at all. But donít prolong the agony by keeping up the conversation. Weíve spent some time in each otherís company. If it didnít work out, thereís no reason to waste any more of each otherís time. You donít get brownie NiceGuy points for acting interested when you are not.